Happiness is but a myst
In front of me it always exist
Within reach of grasp
But nothing to hold
Quickly it disapates as I reach
It is for me but an illusion
Something others can have
But I not
For 41 years I try
For 41 years it is always just beyond
I shall never know happiness as I knew it when I were 5.
When I was six years old my life took a turn for the worst (See the book “David’s mark” by DeWayne Watts – me.) I had to stop my birth father from murdering my mother. Up to this time my life was “normal”, but that was my limited viewpoint. That event at age six set into motion a series of events that altered my life course.
Think of it this way, up until I was six I was heading down a certain path, for all intents and purposes a safe normal path, at six that path forked and I was forced onto a new path. But I like to think of a Star Trek application, timelines. From birth to age six I was on a standard timeline but then a Romulan traveled back to June 4th 1973 and detonated an anti-matter device. That detonation altered the timeline the standard timeline and a new timeline branched off, one where the Federation never formed and where the Romulans ruled the Galaxy. I still live in that altered timeline.
Sometimes I look back and wonder what would have happened if the timeline was never altered, who would I have been, my mother my family. In order for this to work I have to also imagine that my birth father was killed prior to June 4th 1973. I do not think I need to wonder anymore for I was able to look back along the altered timeline and see a glance at the true timeline. How was I able to do so? In order to write my book “David’s mark” I had to invest 7 years of research and a lot of interviews with my mother and several others. From that research and interviews I believe I may have drawn a ‘what may have been’ analogy of the true timeline. So for a moment let’s travel back to December 30th 1972, I choose December because it was before we moved out of the Tulsa House.
That winter was cold and I did not get my Ken doll for Christmas, but mom had prepared me for the loss, but she promised he would be under the tree next Christmas, I was looking forward to getting him back behind the driver’s wheel of my truck. The roads were covered with ice and snow and dad was late getting home, mom seemed worried. At 9:00pm she sent me and my sisters off to bed, once in my pajama’s I stood by my window wondering why my dad was late, but my wonder was soon replace by dreams, as I was unable to stay awake. I had not been asleep for long when I was awakened by my mom’s crying and I was still asleep when I entered the living room and two police officers were standing by the door. My dad had lost control of the car and died in a car wreck.
Prior to his death my mom and he were going from church to church looking for one we could settle in and it was only after his death that she listened to my Grandma and went to a Congregation across town that taught the Truth. After that first meeting she started a Bible Study and stayed with that Congregation. While making arrangements for my dad’s memorial I had spent a lot of time at my Grandma’s and one dad while my uncle was turning the TV I saw him pass Star Trek, he turned it back and allowed me to watch. That of course started my love affair with Star Trek and science. My mom used my dad’s life insurance to pay off the house in Tulsa and she continued her interest in folk music, getting small gigs across town, soon she landed a recording contract……
Some of the above is fiction, but some is fact. My Grandma was a second generation Bible Student and she attempted to instill in me and my sisters what she remembered. My mom was actively searching for ‘The Truth’, but sadly never found it, and she was good on the guitar and enjoyed playing folk music. I can’t say for certain what would have been, but as I interviewed her she reviled a lot of ‘loves’ ‘regrets’ and ‘missed chances’. Some of which she is now doing. So in the end she became a part of what she would have if June 4th 1973 never happened.
Me; I am sure I would have still found Star Trek, and I had a starving thirst for Bible Study. I also love science, physics, math, and writing. I now hold on to these, but unfortunately with awful and painful memories. No I don’t have a pity pot that I sit around on crying, oh poor me, poor me. My life is clouded with nightmares that visit me against my will, flashbacks that send me through time so fast the even Captain Kirk would get motion sickness. These flashbacks are so intense that I even FEEL guilty, or shame or…the flashbacks are the worst. I jump at every loud noise, I hate to hear stories of abuse or see shows of people oppressed. What is surprising is that I am told by many well-meaning friends ‘stop dwelling on the past’. A flashback is NOT dwelling, a nightmare and waking up soaked is NOT dwelling, crying because a firework went off and you were not expecting it is NOT dwelling. Worst of all, some of my friends have laughed at my reaction or accused me of over reacting. I have the most trouble with those kinds of statements. Because of that I have found very few people in my circle of friends that I truly trust. If they laugh because I jump and cry because of loud thunder or tease me about it, or they tell me I am over reacting to get attention, I have little to trust in them. Mind you I love my friends, but I find it hard to trust someone who can gain such joy out of my fear.
With PTSD my fear is very real and it surrounds me every day. I do not dwell on my past, I don’t live in my past, my past IS my present and it is still happening. I live in fear every day I live.
Sometime in the next few weeks a non-profit may do a nation-wide promotion of my book "David's Mark". I revised the book to include application of the information as well as application to help other victims of abuse. So I sent them a second copy. Don't know when things will roll out. But looking forward to them.
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I emailed S. E. Hinton a few weeks ago, maybe last week. Asked her if she would, would she take time to read one or all of my book >MY BOOKS CLICK HERE<. So why would I email S. E. Hinton?
I am so glad you asked.
When I was 15 I lived in Sapulpa Oklahoma. Most of her books that were made into movies were produced in Oklahoma, and Rumble Fish was filmed there as well. Anyway my mom's cousin owned a furniture store above which was a series of apartments that had not been used since I think the 50's. My mom's cousin let the studio use the apartment for Matt Dillon's apartment. I do not know the deal. Anyway my little sister was in "love" with Matt and my mom's cousin made arrangements for my sister to met him. I took her down one night and we sat in the monitor room watching the same scene over and over. Matt had just been stabbed and was on the bed. When they got it right he came down and met my sister. Photos were taken and auto's signed and that was suppose to be the end of it. But the photo lab stole the negatives and all chaos ensued. To cut to the end, my sister and I spent the whole time they were shooting on the set and got a very 2 second far in the background scene. If you did not know it was me and her you would never notice.
So that was ages ago, early 80's. I thought I would email Susan and asked her to take a read and give me a nod if she felt she could.
No reply or word, but it was worth a shot. I still watch the movie The Outsiders, consider the Full Novel Version one of the best made. For many years I used "Poneyboy" and my cyber name, quit when others stole my spelling.
If you could be free of cancer, HIV, kidney failure, a birth defect or any other illness how far is too far for a cure?
My current novel >Still With Eyes Closed< was inspired when I was just 14 years old. At that time I tossed the concept on the back burner of my mind. Then this year (I'm now 48) I wrote it to paper.
I have IgAN which is CKD or a form of kidney failure. I won't die from it, I seemed to have stopped progression in stage 2. However 7 of 9 of my birth dad's siblings died of cancer, 1 aunt on my mom's side and 1 has it.
So I have a high chance of getting cancer, I hope I do not.
This story focuses on just how far humanity will go to rid the planet of all illness, if the had the ability.
But when you finish reading it you will ask yourself, how far IS too far?
In my new medical thriller novel >Still With Eyes Closed< I have the 1st black president as in real life. I wanted to call him Davies Jefferson, if you are at all a history buff you know that the 1st president of the Confederate States was Jefferson Davis. I wanted to call him that because it would have been a blow to those who hold onto those old southern traits. The concept of humans enslaving humans needs to die. Although the US no longer practices slavery legally, it still takes place in the form of racism, prejudice and human trafficking.
In my novel I wanted to use that name, but in the end Kept the Jefferson part only. To some extent my novel does indeed look at the dark side of humans and what they are willing to do with other humans. I look forward to a day when the people of Earth can see only one (1) race. The HUMAN race.
Okay, finished and published my new novel >Still With Eyes Closed< In the 1st draft I used President Obama, but my editor suggested I alter the name so I went with President Jefferson. A reader altered me that no all places had been changed from Obama to Jefferson. So I made the correction and replaced Obama with Jefferson. The new files will be approved tomorrow.
I wanted to use Davies Jefferson.
DeWayne Watts: I started out writing short stories and poetry. Some of which was published in the 1980's. I have parts of 5 novels written and have completed 2 novels. I have been married over 25 years and raised 2 wonderful sons who have been a great addition to the human family.
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The 3 Novels/Books Written By DeWayne Watts
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"The Boy in The Wood"
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